Always
by Iwasallbymyself
Summary: "Connor knows that he is the older brother, always protecting his twin, scolding and lecturing him when he is too hotheaded, making fun of him. Always holding him close and making the tears and the pain go away. " "Murphy used to whimper just like that when he was a boy, scared of the dark and the nightmares that always seemed to be with him."


Connor knows that he is the older brother. Every time he looks at his brother he knows for certain that he is the one that came out first from their mother's womb. Murphy knows it to, but he will never in a million years admit it. Connor is always protecting his twin, scolding and lecturing him when he is too hotheaded and he is always making fun of him. By telling embarrassing stories from their youth that will turn Murphy´s cheeks light red and eagerly wanting to fight. Wanting to fight only to prove that he is a man, and no longer a skinny kid that, for some reason, is afraid of horses. That particular memory will always bring a smile to his face and he will never, ever forget his twin screaming out in pure panic.

"_Connor, it´s moving! Ah, it´s moving, Con, Connor! Ahh, ahh! Connor!" _

Macho Murph.

He takes a long, deep drag from his ciggy and looks at his brother. Murphy is lying on his bed, the old, smelly mattress, with a green blanket pulled over his head. It aches in his heart when his clear blue eyes sees how his younger brother keeps turning like a madman meanwhile he is sobbing and whimpering like a child. Murphy used to whimper just like that when he was a boy, scared of the dark and the nightmares that always seemed to be with him. He never knew exactly what Murph nightmares had been about, because Murphy was always denying that he had them. Still is. He is always protecting Murphy, making sure he was all right, but it´s slowly killing him not being able to protect his baby brother from himself. He throws the cigarette in the ashtray before he slowly walks over to Murphy and sits down on the side of the bed. Carefully he pulls off the covers before he gently puts his _veritas_ hand on his brother pale chest. Sadness strikes him when he reads the word _Normal_ that is tattooed over Murphy's heart. Normal is something his brother always wanted to be, tried to be. Hell, Murphy is still trying to be normal and he keeps getting frustrated when he fails. Normal, he himself never understands what the big whoop is about. It seems so boring to him to be normal, being like everybody else. No fun at all. His brother is not normal, he is unique, but that is something he never can tell Murphy without getting punched in the face. Softly he shakes his twin who wakes up with a loud gasp and a look of fear. A pair of blue eyes, identical to his own, stares terrified at him, but only for a second before they turns black.

"What?" Murphy scorns at him with great annoyance. "The fuck you want, Con?"

"You all right, Murph?" He asks and tries to keep the worry out of his voice. "It sounded like you were having a bad dream again."

"It must be something wrong with your hearing then." Murphy mutters and gives his brother a dark glare before he lies back down and closes his eyes. "Leave me the fuck alone."

"No, I won't brother." He says and strokes his little brother´s cheek. "What´s wrong? You can tell me Murph, you know that."

"Nothing to tell. So fuck off Connor!"

"No."

"I am fucking warning you." Murphy roars and turns his hands in to fists that are ready to beat the living shit out of his brother. "Fuck off Connor!"

"No, not before you tell me what´s wrong with you."

Murphy throws himself over his brother who falls backwards on the hard, dirty floor. Filled with anger he strikes his older brother over the nose and the cheek, which splits open. With a sigh he lets Murphy hit him a few times before he overpowers him and forces him down on his back. Their fights always ends in the same way; him on top of a struggling Murphy claiming victory. This fight is not any different. He fights with his head meanwhile Murphy fights with his heart. Murphy´s breathing is fast and unsteady but the anger on his face has disappeared. The sadness has returned and the fear. He sits on top of his younger brother holding his wrist against the floor to make sure Murph´s not trying to sucker punch him in the jaw.

"What´s wrong, baby brother?" He asks again, not aware of that he said the last thing out loud.

"I'm afraid." Murphy admits in a quiet whisper, tears forming in his blue eyes.

"What are you afraid of?" He asks trying to sound strong. He fucking needed to be strong.

"I don´t want you to die." Murphy whimpers and the tears start rolling down. He can´t stop them. "I don´t want Rocco to be dead."

He grabs hold of his brother and pulls him in to a hug. Murphy buries his face in his chest and soon hot tears start smear against the black t-shirt. The sobbing is loud and Murphy clings on to his brother for dear life, afraid if he let go Connor would drop dead and disappear.

"I won´t die Murph, there is no need to worry. I won´t die." He answers in a soothing voice as he strokes his brother´s hair and gives him a kiss on top of the head. "I miss Rocco too, every damn day. But he won´t come back, brother. Because he´s not gone. You understand? He´ll always be with us, in our hearts, in our minds. Every time we´ll have a beer we´ll think of him. Every time we see a cat we´ll think of him.

A light chuckle escapes Murphy´s lips but he can still feel the tears against his shirt. He places another kiss on his little brother´s head while me makes tiny circles on his naked back to calm him down. Like he always does when Murph is upset and needs to calm down.

"You promise you won´t die? That you won´t leave me, Connor?"

"I promise, baby brother, I promise." He says and tightens his grip around Murphy.

"Fuck you, I´m the oldest." Murphy sneers with a smile and closes his eyes and takes in his brothers soothing voice.

"Whatever makes you feel better, Murph."

Connor knows that he is the older brother, always protecting his twin, scolding and lecturing him when he is too hotheaded, making fun of him. Always holding him close and making the tears and the pain go away.

"Is breá liom tú." **I love you.**

"Is breá liom tú, deartháir." **I love you brother.**


End file.
